How To Create a Parenting Mission Statement
As my parenting practice has grown, I’ve realized that often it is difficult for parents to follow through on appropriate actions when disciplining their children. When I ask the parents what they think the repercussions of not handling a situation are, they usually do not have an answer as they have never thought that far in advance.
We must parent not for the moment, but for the long term and it is our job to make sure that our children are the best people that they can possibly be. Throughout my years of meeting with clients, I eventually came up with the idea for the parenting mission statement from observing “in the moment parenting.” I had to get parents out of the moment they were in and have them look at each situation as a macro and not just as a micro. It is our job as parents to teach our children how to survive and thrive in this world.
One common question I ask parents is where they see their children 5 minutes, days, months or years from now. There is always a common underlying theme and parents usually want their children to be happy, compliant, and good listeners 5 minutes from now. This is what they want in a 5 or 10-year-old, but what about a 20-year-old? They may want a “child” who is not entitled, and is accepted, competent, and loved. They also want a child who has been taught to emphasize their assets and minimize their deficiencies. What parents don’t want is a child that is emotionally and financially dependent on them. As parents, part of our job is to make sure that our children are independent on all levels. The question that remains is: what are we doing to foster independence in our child? This is the first step in defining your parenting mission statement.
Your parenting mission statement will be your anchor and your rock. This is what is going to drive you and help you make decisions for your children. When you feel that you do not have the ability to follow through on a consequence when your children are misbehaving, come back to your mission statement.
The question that you will always ask yourself will be, “do my consequences and actions support my mission statement?” For instance, my parenting mission statement may be “I want to raise a happy, competent, emotionally and financially independent child”. Does that mean that when my child is in high school and performs poorly in school that I must come to the rescue? The short answer is no, I do not.
Your child must be taught how to advocate for his or her self and needs to start implementing this skill early on. At some point as parents, we must pull back, this usually feels wrong, but it is necessary. In this workbook, I will teach you how and when to pull back and let your child become the person you want them to be in your parenting mission statement.
Need ideas for drafting your parenting mission statement? Make a list of qualities you believe to be useful in an adult’s life. These can include, but are not limited to being:
A good listener
Financially independent
Emotionally independent
A contributing member of society
Personable
Trustworthy
Motivated
Considerate
Philanthropic
Take a moment to self-reflect and think of qualities you would not want to see manifested in your children. Know that the first rule of parenting is to model what you want to see, the old adage “do as I say, not as I do” rarely works. The template below will help shape your parenting mission statement.
Questions to ask yourself:
What do I want my child to look like at 25?
Which qualities of yourself would you not want to see manifested in your children?
What are some positive qualities of yours which you would like to see in your children?
As a gift to you, you can download this free PDF to fill in your parenting mission statement! Let me know how it goes in the comments below.
Hi! I’m Elise Montgomerie, and I’m here to help you cut through the bulls**t so you can heal your relationships, career, and life.
My work is deep — like healing your inner child, tackling your demons, getting brutally honest with yourself — deep.
With grace and patience (mixed with a hint of tough love), I help my clients plow through blockages and finally live the lives they’re meant to live.
