Let go of control and find peace
While my daughter waited outside for her carpool to pick her up, I stayed in the kitchen window admiring her. Payton looks different than she used to. She is taller, more mature-looking. As most middle school girls are busy trying to sneak some lipgloss past their parents, my daughter has no interest. Instead, I see her waiting for carpool with pants that are too short (she loves them) a t-shirt that looks wrinkly (when I put it in her room it was folded neatly), and a skateboard. Not what a “typical” teenage girl may look like. I dreamt of having a little girl I could go shopping with (Payton hates shopping) and putting on makeup (she hates that too). Those are my dreams and kinda silly ones. Because parenting (or life for that matter) isn’t about what your kids look like or what they enjoy doing (I learned that with Spencer). It’s about the kind of heart they have. That other stuff is about control. So often, we are left frustrated by the lack of control we as parents/people have. We want our spouse to dress differently or have a different job, we want our kids to make an A instead of a B. We are pissed when they don’t try harder. We are frustrated that they don’t work to their full potential. We are mad because we only want what is best for them. It’s about control. We NEED them to do better than we did. We NEED them to stay active so they don’t turn to mush. We NEED them to be in clubs so they get into the right college and have the correct career because somehow this makes us happy. Somewhere along the way, we forgot to ask them what they wanted. After all, don’t we just want our kids to be happy?
Control used to control me, pretty ironic isn’t it. I made sure I didn’t eat more than 20 carbs a day. I HAD to do an hour of cardio an hour of weights and 30 mins of abs every single day for years. I NEEDED to feel in control of my body because my life was so out of control. Why? Because my autistic son didn’t like a noise or a touch or a flavor and I couldn’t control it. Now I realize the key. The only thing I can control is myself, my actions, and my reactions to people. So today, I challenge you to control YOURSELF from trying to control everyone else. See the beauty in the messy room (a particularly tough one for me) and concentrate on the person making the mess. See the beauty in the decision that your spouse made that you would do differently. Rather than judge or ridicule, be curious as to why they choose what they choose. You would be surprised, your lack of control in others is a mirror onto yourself to show you the work you need to do, and when you do, you will let go and be gloriously happy in your present moment.
Hi! I’m Elise Montgomerie, and I’m here to help you cut through the bulls**t so you can heal your relationships, career, and life.
My work is deep — like healing your inner child, tackling your demons, getting brutally honest with yourself — deep.
With grace and patience (mixed with a hint of tough love), I help my clients plow through blockages and finally live the lives they’re meant to live.
